CLASSIFICATIONS

81. ADVANTAGE HIPSTER

This is for the ignorant masses who just assume all hipsters are too consumed by their narcissistic nihilism to stay fit and exercise.  Some might dismiss these photos as a hoax like Big Foot or the Loch Ness Monster.  But I attest to the authenticity of this hipster playing tennis.  And since we’re be honest, blue’s backhand needs serious work.

PRETENSION: 7, Merely laughed when he scared a toddler

IRONY: 8, Next time he plays his mohawk will match the court

OCCUPATION: Ballboy

Nothing can stop this Blondie-in-her-prime impersonator from making a difference.  Whether that means signing a petition or just looking glam in the alien green dress she found in the good will bargain bin, this young hipster chick’s got it going on!

PRETENSION: 3, Oh, the innocence of youth

IRONY: 1, She’s not wearing dress to shock

OCCUPATION: Sings in a Blondie cover band at weddings

82. GREEN HIPSTIVIST

Here at hipster hunter we get our jollies mocking this self-aware counterculture.  But without these fashion-backwards Douche-bags, we’d probably be huffing turpentine behind the shed.  So thank you hipsters for being the pretentious wannabe you.

PRETENSION: 10 million cumulatively

IRONY: 100 million cumulatively

OCCUPATION: Barflies cumulatively

83. A TOAST TO HIPSTERS!

School’s out for...the day! This band of self-consciously dressed ruffians are celebrating an early release from their Beverly Hills prison of learning.  They were spotted at 2pm, so one can only imagine the chaos that ensued for the next 6+ hrs until “Gossip girl”.  Do you think they’ve ever seen “Beverly hills 90210”?

84. HIGH SCHOOLSTERS

PRETENSION: 10

IRONY: 11

OCCUPATION: Future leaders...not

To Tune of the Bangles “Walk like an Egyptian”


All the old school kids chillin’ at the bar

They do their silly dance, don’t you know?

If they groove too slick  (oh wey oh)

They’re falling down like a crack ho


All the emo men in their porkpie hats

Who the fuck they are...they forget

Diseased whorepsters (oh wey oh)

They always bum your cigarettes


Ironic types with their weed pipes say

Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh

Walk like an egypster


PRETENSION: 10,000 b.c.

IRONY: 7, He’s like historical

OCCUPATION: Back up dancer for Britney

85. WALK LIKE AN EGYPTSTER

Punky’s all grown up now and sha has blossomed into quite the interpretive dancer. Soleil Moonfrye ain’t got nothing on the hipster generation’s answer to 80’s TV nostalgia.  The real question is...can she raise from the dead the dog who played Brandon using only her spunk and that magical red scarf?


PRETENSION: 8, Oh that punky!

IRONY: 10, The 80’s will never die

OCCUPATION: Rerun residuals

86. PUNKY BREWHIPSTER

Exporting our hipsters to foreign lands seemed like such a clever solution.  But our leaders lacked the foresight to realize what we would get in return.  You see, no one does things more extreme than the Japanese.  Meet the Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidora of hipsters. 

PRETENSION: 5, They don’t know any better

IRONY: 10, Everything is ironic to the Japanese

OCCUPATION: Harijuku Kids World Tour

87. FOREIGN EXCHANGE HIPSTERS

In this modern day take on West-side story, hipster Maria falls in love with punk rock tony.  Love conquers all, despite the fact that their respective crews are warring over whose turf the rec center belongs.  during the film’s tragic finale, Tony rams the spikes on his head into Maria’s heart and then throws himself in front of a speeding prius.  At least now in the afterlife these star-crossed lovers can be together.


PRETENSION: 5, Love is never pretentious, just idiotic at times

IRONY: 7, They both died too young to know better

OCCUPATION: Tony award winning actors

88. EAST-SIDE VS. WEST-SIDE STORY

When you reach a certain level of cool, Why flaunt it with words?  Your attitude, your style, your indifference says it all.  A myopic worldview grants you carte blanch to diss anyone and anything anytime.  You can quote me on that...not.

PRETENSION: No comment!

IRONY: No comment!!

OCCUPATION: Are you not listening?  No comment!!!

89.  NO COMMENT HIPSTERS

This sneering fiend is the descendant of ancient hipster lineage.  His ancestors slayed endangered species for sport.  So naturally count von hipster’s making animal cruelty en vogue again.  PETA doesn’t stand a chance with the count’s army of compliment ready handlers constantly massaging his ego.  Happy endings for him, none for the animals.

PRETENSION: 10, He wipes his ass with $100 bills

IRONY: 0, He’s too rich to care about irony

OCCUPATION: Born into wealth beyond imagination

90.  COUNT VON HIPSTER