I hate to be the one to break it to you honey, but this whole blonde highlights blow-dried in a wind tunnel look ain’t working.  Add the fact you were hit across the face with a sack of nickels and that ridiculous sweater, you may want to consider a serious life rewrite.  Allow me the honor: Weathered whorepster turns her life around when she finally puts the coke straw down long enough to finish law school, then quits drinking, purchases clothes made after 1987 and moves out of Hipsteropolis.  I’m told she is very happy in suburbia.